10 Ways to Slay the Super Joe Terron, Beast From Beyond

Even if you weren’t a G.I. Joe fan in the late 1970s, chances are you at least noticed the ads for Super Joe and all that went along with him … including the terrifying Terron, Beast from Beyond!

See, the Terron was this beast from beyond, see, and he would attack anything that moved or stood still.

He looked like a triceratops, but with six legs and only a single horn on his face.

terron the beast from beyond - feature

Oh, and he was from outer space, and the Super Joe dudes went out there, at least in part, to fight the Terron.

Lucky for them, the Terron would stop in his tracks if you shot him in just the right place with a laser … or any other light source, assuming it was strong enough.

Sounds simple and all, but it’s been 40 years or so, so I thought we could all use a refresher on how to take down the beast, you know, should the need arise.

Here then, are ten was to slay the Super Joe Terron … Beast from Beyond!

Shoot It with Your Night Fighters Laser

Chances are, if you have a Terron, you also have a Night Fighters action figure.

See, these things were sort of marketed together, because having a little plastic dude with a flashlight embedded in him in some way didn’t make a lot of sense without some other context.

Might have made a great book light for under the covers, but not a lot of sense.

And having a rigid green monster with flashing red eyes that plodded incessantly forward might have been cool — and terrifying — in its own right, but, again … sort of pointless alone in the toy wilderness.

Pair these two worlds, though, and you have the makings of some epic battles with real payoffs.

Either the Night Fighter gets his shit together and flashes into the monster’s breach to immobilize him … or the Terron runs roughshod over the would-be hero.

Hours of fun, I’ll tell you.

And you had choices, too, as the Night Fighters lineup included The Shield and Luminos with their white lights, along with Terron allies Darkon and Gor, toting red rays.

Game on!

Shoot It with Your Laser Pointer

If you find yourself under attack from a plastic Terron while you’re in front of a crowd giving a PowerPoint presentation, don’t lose your cool.

Instead, take a deep breath and aim your laser pointer right into the gullet of the beast, then push the button.

Just make sure you hit the one that turns on the pointer, and not the one that moves to the next slide, or you’ll screw up your talk.

If all else fails, duck behind the fat bald dude in the front row and hope the Terron gets its fill before it gets to you.

All in all, this tip is a case of using what you have at your disposal to avoid disaster.

Shoot It with Your Penlight

Likewise, if a Terron busts into your bedroom late at night while you’re sneak-reading a Hardy Boys book under the covers, you may have to handle matters without the benefit of a Night Fighters sidekick.

In that case, tell Chet Morton to stay right where he his, then carefully train the beam of your penlight on the monster.

Hold until he’s dead, then return to your black-and-white chums.

Shoot It with Your Flashlight

If you’re even more old-school with your late night reading, go ahead and shoot the onrushing beast with your flashlight.

It’s not quite as elegant as a laser pointer or thin-beamed penlight, but it should get the job done.

If all else fails, you can always club the Terron over the head.

Of course, if he gets that close to you … well, you’re probably toast, anyway.

Shoot It with Your Cell Phone

shoot terron with cell phone

On the other hand, if you’re a very modern reader, or a tech sophisticate, you can try to shoot the Terron with your cell phone.

I’ll warn you, though, that this is a dangerous proposition.

Generally, pulling this off will require you to wake up your phone, find the flashlight app, open the flashlight app, and then shoot the hideous creature.

If you stumble on any of these steps, you’re likely to be eaten. Take heart, though, because even if that happens, you’ll often leave some interesting photos behind.

Sadly, many people who might have been saved by cell phone flashlights were too swallowed up by emojis and cute rat videos to ever even notice the doom rushing at them like a horny rhino.

Shoot It with Your Mirror

This option is strictly for the show-boaters, as it requires you to identify a light source that can’t be easily redirected to the Terron and then … well, and then redirecting it to the Terron.

People like Michael Jordan regularly pull this move off by accident, and people like your uncle Ned frequently turn into crispy critters when they try to pull off this move even though they have no business screwing with this move.

Proceed at your own risk.

Take the Batteries Out

This is pretty much a preemptive move and is strictly for wussies.

If you can’t stand the heat of the battle, why the hell did you ask for a Terron in the first place?

And, if it was a surprise gift, unrequested … well, man up, dude.

Someone in your life obviously thought you needed a little toughening up, and disabling a monster before it can even get started is no way to thank them for that concern.

Of course, if you are planning to remove the batteries while the terron is charging you … mad respect!

And don’t worry … I’ll tell Laura you love her.

Drop It Off a 5-Story Building

Also known as “The Letterman,” this move can also be preemptive — again, if you’re a wimp.

But it’s most dramatic when used in the heat of battle.

It’s a complicated maneuver, but the general steps involved are …

  • Lure the Terron to the top of a five-story building
  • Get real close to the edge
  • Taunt the Terron into a charge
  • Avoid his fiery breath
  • Step to the side right as he’s ready to hurtle into you
  • Enjoy an adult beverage as you watch the colorful splat unfold on the concrete below

Gallagher It

Yes, the Terron is a fierce lizard-like beast that may very well have come from the deepest reaches of outer space.

But it’s also made of hard, brittle plastic, which means it is susceptible to blunt-force trauma.

So, if you want a spectacular ending to your confrontation, make the time in your battle to stop and snag a sledge hammer from you sledge hammer cabinet.

Then return to the fray and let him have it. Bonus points if you get him to look up at you before you lower the boom.

Either way, you’re in for a blood-and-guts (thought mechanical) fireworks show to rival any watermelon massacre Gallagher could engineer.

And remember: if you don’t have time to look for a sledge hammer, you really don’t have time to be playing in the first place.

Give It Away

You can also defeat a Terron by being passive aggressive.

And I understand the appeal of these approaches, seeing as how I’m a lifelong midwesterner and all. Swallowing emotions and setting psychological traps is kind of our stock in trade.

Among all the backhanded ways you could rid yourself of a Terron, though, simply giving it away is the most effective and the most insulting.

“What, I’m not good enough for you anymore?”

No, you’re really not. But to be fair, you never really were.

Now, you might see this as another wuss move, and you might be right.

But you can turn this into a totally macho play if you wait until the Terron is actually charging you, and then you just scoop him up and plop him in a box.

Not a damn thing the little bastard can do about it, and he may just stroke out.

Either way, your problem is solved.

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