Leap Day is the funkiest, gnarliest, grooviest day of the year … even though it happens only once ever four years.
No, check that: because it happens only once every four years.
I mean, because of Leap Day, you get acid-tripping crap like Leap Year babies who look 40 by their tenth birthday and folks celebrating their fifth anniversary after 20 strife-ridden years of marriage.
Funkiest of all, and right up our groovy alley here at Omigods, were the five Leap Days of the 1970s and 1980s.
You won’t believe the groovy crap that went down …
- Atlanta Braves legend and future Hall of Famer Hank Aaron becomes the first baseball player to make an average of $200,000 per year. The Braves shrewdly sign him to a three-year deal on February 29, which means he will only see one payday during the life of the deal (a bald-faced lie)
- Singer Dave Williams of Drowning Pool is born. He dies at 2002, aged seven-and-a-half.
- Actor Antonio Sabato, Jr., is born. He turned 12 years old on February 29, 2020.
- ABC unleashes the broadcast premiere of The Sound of Music. The movie, a 1965 hit, features children leaping all over the hills of Austria, accompanied by a leaping singing nanny.
- Richard Petty leaps over a field otherwise led by Darrell Waltrip to win the Carolina 500, the only Winston Cup race ever run on February 29.
- Future Hockey Hall of Famer Gordie Howe becomes the first player to score 800 goals. Because it comes on Leap Day, the NHL officially sets his record at 3200 goals (stone-cold lie).
- Michael Bracey, who has been trapped in an elevator in England for nearly 60 hours, is rescued. Turns out, it was only 15 hours (terrible, heartless joke).
- Pierre Trudeau steps down as Canadian Prime Minister after 15 years in the post. It is later revealed he had held office for 60 years (fake news).
- Roland Culver, an English actor famous for Thunderball, dies at 83. He is just 20 years old.
- New York City Mayer Ed Koch calls President Ronald Reagan a “wimp” in the War on Drugs. In response, Dutch ties off, then doses off. When he wakes up, Vice President George Bush is brandishing a gun. Reagan goes back to sleep for another four years (close to true).
- As Leap Day falls on a Monday, the Pope declares that, from henceforth, Mondays will occur only once ever four years. Workers around the world rejoice until the Papa’s March 7th proclamation: “Got you, suckers!”.
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End Date: Friday 10/09/2020 11:09:58 EDT
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